Q: Where do people get cigarettes?

A: You'll come to understand that life in here is much different than life on the outside. You can't just walk up to the corner store and buy a pack of cigarettes whenever you feel like it. There's no store, we don't have any money, and we can't come and go as we please.

Sometimes, it feels like a prison in here.

That's a little joke we all like to use. You'll find it funny eventually.

A lot of guys have their loved ones bring them cigarettes when they visit. That's okay.

That's probably going to be a problem for you, since you killed your whole family with that lawnmower. I wouldn't imagine the in-laws would be too excited to drop off a carton when they're in the area.

Other guys just take cigarettes from weaker inmates.You need to be really tough to pull that one off. Again, not really an option for you. If you could fight, you'd probably still have shoes, and a belt, and socks, and teeth.

There's one last scenario that might work for you. I have to admit, it's not fun. You'll need this lipstick. And this makeup. And this wig. And an ability to find a happy place.

The good news is that you're about to have a lot of cigarettes. You'll be showered with them. You'll also be showered with something else. Something far less appealing.

You might want to start trying to find that happy place now.