Q: How often does a hamster get the hiccups?

A: Hamsters don't get hiccups.

Nor do they walk on two legs.

Nor are they 6 feet tall.

Nor do they smoke cigars.

I think the pet store sold you a man in a hamster suit. It's the oldest trick in the book. You get attached, the "hamster" "disappears" and when you go back to the store to replace him, you find that they've jacked up the price.

We better flush him down the toilet now and save ourselves the headache.