Titan Pistols kill where they point. That's Titan Promise #1.
Most companies are afraid to tell you this, but the majority of weapons bought for home protection are used on family members, either intentionally, to end drunken arguments, or accidentally, when you mistake your son sneaking back in the house after curfew for a burglar trying to rob you over your collection of vintage smut. At Titan Pistols, however, we are proud of the fact that our guns kill more family members than Smith and Wesson, GLOCK, and Remington combined.
When you bring home a Titan Pistol, someone's going to die. That's Titan Promise #2.
Unlike other manufacturers, our pistols don't misfire, or jam or cost you valuable seconds of shooting time with a complicated safety lock. Titan Pistols don't have a safety, or a trigger, or a cartridge. The moment you pick up a Titan Pistol, it will fire. If you look at a Titan Pistol, it will fire. If the air around a Titan Pistol reaches a temperature higher than 73 degrees Fahrenheit, it will fire.
You have to work hard NOT to kill someone with a Titan Pistol. That's Titan Promise #3.
Thanks to our three promises - Our guns kill where they point. Once you bring one of our guns home, someone will die. Our guns require constant diligence not to kill - we guarantee that Titan Pistols are the best gun on the market.
How many would you like to buy to protect your family?
Oh. I see.
I probably should have warned you to keep your family back before I began my presentation. As I said, Titan Pistols are sensitive killing machines, and as you witnessed, your wife and daughter do not have bullet proof heads. Don't bother to get up, I'm comfortable cleaning up. This isn't my first presentation.
