Q: What is a moderate party?

A: A party where no one's really bored, but no one's really having any fun. The food is acceptable, the music inoffensive, the guests a step above dull. Everyone looks nice, but they're looked better. A party where most of the men haven't shaved and all the ladies threw their hair in a bun and wore flats. The kind of party everyone will forget about in a week.

If I had to give a concrete example of such a party, it would be this wedding. It's nice and all, but it just feels like a waste of time. Not to say that you don't look beautiful, because you do, and so does Brad. It's just that, well, we've all been partying pretty hard all weekend and no one has any energy today. The thought of sitting through a bunch of toasts full of inside jokes and watching old people shuffle around the dance floor makes us want to gouge our eyes out with our salad forks. God, even these salad forks are forgettable.

If you don't mind, we're all going to duck out early. We're all going to leave at once, so it's less of a distraction. There's another wedding down the street that looks like a lot of fun. They have a live band and everything. We'll let you know if it's any good and maybe you can swing by when you're done with all this.

Let us know how everything goes, especially that whole "I do" part. Text us or something. Can't wait to hear!