Q: What foods go off most quickly?

A: Son, this is kind of awkward.

All those years we spent playing soldier in the backyard, we were doing that - playing. We weren't invading anyone, or defending anything. We were having some fun, a father and son, bonding, laughing, safe in the world of make-believe.

I thought you understood that.

When I bit the stem off an apple and tossed it over the house like a grenade, I was playing. It didn't really explode. I made that sound. With my mouth.

Apples don't explode. Bananas aren't dynamite. Gourds aren't olde-tyme grenades. Watermelons won't annihilate an entire village. Fruit won't kill anyone.

Sooo, you might want to reconsider your plan to take the whole town hostage with your fruit arsenal. Because it's not going to work. Everyone will laugh at you.

Haven't you had enough of that by now?