Q: What is the fastest way to get rid of a tattoo?

A: Laser removal can take weeks and leave horrible scars.

This cheese grater will only take a few seconds. However, it will also leave horrible scars.

Your best bet is simple amputation. Cut that arm clean off. I've already heated up the iron, so we can cauterize the wound.

This won't hurt at all. I've done it dozens of times and I've never felt a thing. The amputees never complain, either. Then again, they immediately go into shock and die.

I doubt that will happen with you.

34th time's the charm!