Q: Does a urine drug test reveal the age or gender of the sample?

A: No, the test only reveals the amount of drugs in your system.

A simple sniff test, however, reveals that you just handed me a container of Mountain Dew.

Either you knew you would fail the drug test and filled the container with soda, or you have serious kidney problems and should probably seek immediate medical help.

Regardless, we don't think you're the right choice for the role of Grimace at our son's birthday party.

You can take the suit off now.

That's not a suit?

Seriously, go see a doctor.