Q: When do scientists plan to launch somebody to Mars?

A: I'm going to assume that question is some kind of joke, some kind of cruel, insensitive joke.

Moments ago, I gave an in-depth explanation of how the rocket, carrying a team of super-intelligent robots designed to prepare the atmosphere of Mars for human exploration, exploded on the launch pad, killing the robots. Despite their lack of human souls and human organs, we considered these robots essentially family. The blast also took the lives of  dozens of actual human scientists and rocket engineers, people we have known for years. We all lost a lot of people we care about today. Excuse me if I get a little emotional.

I then went on to explain that, due to this tragic loss, we have suspended the Mars program indefinitely and will not be sending anyone, neither robots, nor chimps, nor humans anywhere close to Mars for the foreseeable future.

Now, either you did not listen, or you are simply some kind of asshole. Either way, I will tolerate such behavior.

Oh, I see.

I have just been informed that you missed the press conference, Mr. President, due to sudden war in the Balkans. I apologize. Allow me to start from the beginning.

As long as man has known of the existence of Mars, he has had a dream to visit the Red Planet. Today that dream suffered a tragic setback ...