Q: What kind of clipping or grooming needs to be done to show a rottweiler?

A: A simple wash and basic grooming will get your dog ready for the show.

Provided you also have the requisite leash, iron muzzle, steel fence, tranquilizer darts, and Doomsday Device.

The Doomsday Device is obviously a last resort.

Everything else is just a precaution.

We had a rottweiler at the show one year. Coincidentally, there was a large group of children visiting.

We no longer allow children to visit.

Our insurance won't cover it.

Even if it did, we probably still wouldn't have any children here. Not after the parents see the video from that year's show.

Did I mention that the children came from a local day camp for the obese? And that they smelled of bacon grease and ground beef?

You can imagine how the rottweiler reacted. Turns out, his trainer, in an attempt to make him look thin, had not fed the dog in weeks.

Those kids from the fat camp could barely waddle to the bathroom when needed. They didn't have a chance to escape a crazed rottweiler.

Some of the children tried to fight back, god bless their chubby little hearts.