Q: What type of things were drawn on cave walls?

A: That's an excellent question, Tommy, and that's exactly why we took this field trip, to see some cave drawings with our own eyes and experience what it would have been like to live thousands of years ago, before TV, before movies, before man could even read or write. I can't wait to see what we find. Let's take a look.

Here we have a drawing of a family around the fire, looking up with awe at a man in elaborate dress, perhaps a soothsayer or wise man. And here we see a warrior saving his bride from a mammoth, slaying the beast with   a spear.

It's like stepping into a time machine and traveling back to visit our ancestors. We can see how they ate, how they lived, how they danced and, if you look over here, how they ... oh dear ... how they made love.

Let's move on. Here we have a still life, of some sort of gourd, or maybe a banana, next to a pair of oranges -  okay let's keep moving. Come on everyone! Eyes down! Eyes down!

Stop taking pictures, Tommy!

Hurry along, hurry along.

Okay, this is more like it. A herd of animals. Look at the details, the arc of the horns, the grace of their movement. These drawings are the work of a true artist. We can see the animals, running through the plains, leaping over a stream, running right into the spear of a waiting warrior. I think that's his spear. I hope that's his spear.

Oh, dear.

Move along, class, move along. Kelly, don't look at that!

Run, children, run! Over here, over here!

Oh, here's a nice one. This is magnificent. Look at the scope. Thousands of tribes coming together, walking through the canyon to worship a space ship. A space ship. What the fuck?

I quit. Field trip's over. Bus leaves in five minutes.

Tommy, please stop taking pictures.