Q: What is the average rate for a framing contractor in southern California?

A: For six grand, I'll get you fingerprints on a murder weapon. For eight, an eye witness. For ten grand, and a little lead time, I can get you DNA on the corpse. Your husband will go away for a long, long time.

This is your husband, right? The guy in this picture. He's the one you want me to frame for murder, right? That is what I do. That is why you called me? Right?

Okay, now you're crying. Did I say something wrong?

If you don't want me to frame him for murder, why did you call me? Why did you come here? Why did you hand me his picture?

Oh.

Look, lady, don't take it out on me because you can't read an ad right, an ad that clearly states "No Picture Framing."

See? It says it right here, right at the top of the ad. And again down here. And here. And here, on the side, right below my phone number, it says, "Murder Framing Only! No Pictures!" That should have been a sign.

Speaking of signs, did you notice the one out front, the one that has a drawing of a picture frame with a circle around it and a line through it? Did you see that? That means No Picture Framing!

I don't see why there should be any confusion.

My name is Jim Picture. The name on the door says Jim Picture's Framing. Jim Picture's Framing. Not Jim's Picture Framing. What are you, dyslexic?

Oh, I'm very sorry. That must have been quite a struggle. Pardon my insensitivity. I was in a car crash a few years ago - vehicular homicide fraud frame-up, deal went south - that destroyed my sense of empathy, and my short term memory, and my sense of empathy.

Now, where were we?

I can frame this man for life for ten grand. It will be easy. Look at this face. What a bastard. No wonder you want to ruin him.

And now you're crying.