Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Q: What medicines were available in medieval times?

A: In the event of illness - any illness, from a high fever to a severed thumb -  the medieval barber covered his patient with leeches to ensure a good bleeding.

If the patient remained ill, the barber removed the leeches, then prayed.

If the prayer failed, he reapplied the leeches, restarted the bleeding and resumed his prayers.

If the combination of the prayer and the bleeding failed, the barber poured spirits over the patient's body and smacked him in the face with the Bible.

At this point, the barber had reached the limits of medical technology. If the patient remained ill, the barber set him on fire, seized his property as payment, claimed his wife as a concubine and enslaved his children as serfs.Then he would take the whole family to a local castle where they would drown their sorrow with mead,  watch knights joust, eat cornish hen, and try to forgot about the sudden death of their loved one.

In modern times, you can enjoy a similar experience by taking your family to a popular theme restaurant. That restaurant is called McDonald's.

You have to supply your own knights. And your own cornish hen. And your own mead.

McDonald's will supply the sorrow.

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Ryan Callahan has written, produced, or directed shows for ABC, A&E, SHowtime, The CW, TVLand, Animal Planet and other networks even lower on your dial. When not making TV, or writing fake answers, he reads books, buys books, or buys books to read later. Follow WikiFakeAnswers on Twitter and Facebook