Q: Why is it illegal to stalk?

A: Stalking, while technically legal, shows poor character and a lack of courage. If you like a girl, walk up to her, stand up straight, look her in the eye and ask her out. If she says no, she says no. Move on with your life.

You won't make the situation any better by stalking. You can follow her around from a safe distance all day, stand outside her window all night, break into her home while she's gone, try on all her clothes to get a sense of how she thinks, murder her friends and loved ones, one by one, until she has no one else to turn to, but if the chemistry's not there, it's not there. You can't force these things. Trust me, I know.

If I had a nickel for every girl I stalked, I'd be a goddamn millionaire.

I've just been handed a note by my bailiff. Hmmmm. Apparently stalking is illegal. Highly illegal.

You'll have to excuse me, this is my first day as a judge.

Probably my last day, too.

But, before they throw me out, let's schedule some hangings!