Q: What would you study if you had good dreams sometimes and bad dreams sometimes?

A: When it comes to matter of the human mind, you can never go wrong with a good, long study of phrenology.

Are your bad dreams caused by an abnormal shaped alimentiveness? Or, do you suffered from chronic lack of amativeness? Are you blessed by a vast, shapely benevolence?

There's only way to be sure: by buying this phrenology textbook!

Are you sure you don't want one? They're only $49.95.

Okay. Since you seem like such a fine man, I'll give it to you for only $39.95.

$29.95?

Twenty bucks? Who doesn't have twenty bucks?

For the love of God, please buy one. I have 500 of them. I spent my life savings. I thought I'd found a goldmine. I had no idea phrenology had long been discredited.