Q: Can technology have positive affects on kids?

A: I don't think it can have an affect other than positive.

Before technology, my kids were losers. They looked like losers. They thought like losers. Most importantly, they fought like losers.

They were nothing more than a puddle of broken bones, tears and excuses.

Losers, through and through.

Then I discovered technology. Now my kids are winners. They look like winners. They think like winners. You better believe they fight like winners.

Thanks to their titanium reinforced skeletons, their cybernetically enhanced reflexes and the small missle launchers implanted on their arms, my kids haven't lost a fight in month. They're the kings of the playground. They get all the lunch money.

Other parents may complain, but that doesn't bother me.  Losers complain. I know. I used to be one.

Now, I'm a winner, just like my kids.

All thanks to technology.

As well as my bank's generous lending policy.