Q: Which team holds the record for the most penalties during a Super Bowl game?

A: I don't know who currently holds the record. I'm not a historian. I'm a football coach. But I know who will hold the record at the end of this game:

You.

All of you. The men in this room. You men are destined for the record books.

I know some you might now that we're already in the record books, for giving up the most points in a quarter and the most points in a half. For being the first team in Super Bowl history to trail by 72 points at halftime.

But we still have another half to play. The game's not over yet.

Now some of you might expect me to give the speech of a lifetime and yell and cajole and inspire and make you guys believe that we can come back and win this game.

I'm not going to do that. I have too much respect for you men. I'm not going to insult your intelligence.

We're not going to win this game.

We are simply not good enough. We were lucky to get this far.

Three months ago I hypnotized you men and made you believe that you were the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers. For three months you played like the 1975 Steelers and won game after game, all the way to the Super Bowl.

Well it seems that the hypnosis has worn off at the worst possible time. It must have happened last night, while you slept.

Let that be a lesson to all of you: Never trust a gypsy.

You men now realize that you are not the Pittsburgh Steelers. You are a collection of cast-offs and misfits and has-beens and never-were's.

There's no way you're winning this game.

But we can still make our mark on this game. We can drag this game out and get as much TV as possible. It's our last chance to be famous.

So I want you to go out there and hold. I want you to go out there and delay the game. Interfere with passes. Hit late. Conduct yourselves in an unsportsmanlike manner. Celebrate excessively after every touchdown you give up. And don't forget to clip. Clip life your life depended on it.

I want to see yellow flags flying on every play.

This is our chance to go down in history.

Let's make it happen.