Q: What do you tell a customer if credit card machine is broken?

A: Look him in the eye and say, "I'm sorry, sir. Our credit card machine is not working at this time. We will gladly take cash for your purchase."

Then remind him that he probably should be paying cash in the first place. If he really can't afford something, he probably shouldn't buy it. That's just good, sound, financial advice.

If he bristles at your advice, point out that you are the one wearing a tie and demand some respect. If he continues to argue, point out that you are the one with a job and he's the one shopping for video games in the daytime when normal people are at work. To top it off, he can't even afford these children's game and is only arguing with you to feel better about himself and his dead-end, worthless existence.

If he continues to argue, and at this point he may be making threats, calmly say "I'm sorry that life has passed you by, sir. Please step aside so other customers can make their purchases, which they can afford, and get back to their happy productive lives." That should end things.

If you need to, feel free to call mall security. They have tasers now and they are not afraid to use them. Have you ever seen a man get tased? It's pretty awesome.

Whatever you do, don't tell the customer that the credit card machine is broken because I spilled Jaggermeister on it during that party we had in the store last week. We aren't supposed to be having parties in the store and some of those girls are still in high school. I don't want word to spread, except to other girls in the high school.