Q: What are editorial?

A: They are the people who decide what stories and columns appear in the paper everyday.

They are the people who control your fate and shape your destiny.

They are your bosses, the people you answer to. The people you need to please.

They are also the people you just mowed down with that machine gun.

I understand you're going through a lot right now, what with all those voices in your head and all that blood coming out of your ears, but I need you to pull yourself together for a moment and listen.

You should really starting putting together a new resume ASAP.

And you really shouldn't lead with the phrase "Real good with machine gun."

Come on, Tom, you're better than that.