Q: How do you make a Christmas greeting card?

A: I take a child's birthday card, often right out of a child's hand.

I cross out all the crap about birthdays and numbers and balloons and Garfield.

I draw a picture of Jesus on the front, with a huge smile on his face, and a giant candy cane in his hand.

On the inside I write: "Thousands of years ago, Jesus was brutally murdered by Romans because of his beliefs. Today you get presents. Congratulations!"

I hand the card back to the child.

It's at this point that I am usually asked to leave.