Q: Who sounds the bugle at the beginning of a battle?

A: Generally, we pick the worst soldier to play the bugle. Unfortunately, since we are considerably out-manned, we need every able soldier to fight, even those with very poor aim, or the ones who are cowards.

But fear not men, we will not charge into battle without a call to arms. I have with me a cassette tape of famous bugle sounds.

One second, let me just put it in my portable stereo. And press play.

It's probably not wise to start with "Taps". I'll just fast forward a little bit.

Oh, that's not very heroic either.

You know what, the enemy is very close and I know you are excited to fight. Let's all just pretend we heard a rousing call to arms and charge into battle. All right then, on with it.