Q: How do you know is a guy likes you or just wants to be buds?

A: If a man is interested on you on a romantic level, he will say things like:

"You are the prettiest girl in here. Oh, wait. I didn't see her. You're still cool though."

Or:

"You dress really slutty for such a cute girl. You must have the lowest self esteem. Can I buy you several drinks?"

Or:

"You have the most amazing laugh. I can't wait to hear it when you see my penis."

Or:

"You're so easy to talk to. Most of the girls I see are usually so quiet. And still. And cold. "

Or:

"I wish this night would never end. My trial starts tomorrow."

Or:

"You're so real. Most of the girls in here are so phony, like the Holocaust."

Or:

"That's a beautiful dress. It will look amazing held up in court as a piece of evidence."

Q: Are dog genitals naturally clean?

A: Not really. That's why dogs spend so much time licking them.

The dogs can handle it.

Seriously, they got it.

They don't need your help.

Please stop.

We're trying to eat.

Q: How does the climate in japan effect the people?

A: Sometimes the sun shines brightly, and the warm air flows through the cities, and the fields, and the people are happy, and joyous, and glad to be alive.

Other times, dark clouds form, and rain pounds the streets, and the countryside, and the people get a little sad, and they stay indoors for a while.

Occasionally, years after a sneak attack on a U.S. army base, the sky whistles and burns, and the air gets hot, incredibly hot, and everything incinerates, and many people die.

Then, to understand and explain how such horrible destruction could be visited on so many innocent people, the people of Japan create Godzilla. And they are again happy for a while. Until the Americans involve Matthew Broderick and Hank Azaria and ruin everything all over again.

Q: What dose the word polar mean?

A: Sometimes, the word refers to the poles of the earth. The north and south poles. The top and bottom of the world.

In your case, we use the term to mean "diametrically opposite." Two things that couldn't be less alike.

For instance, your moods. Sometimes you are really, really happy and energetic and driven. You want to do everything! Other times, you are really, really sad and morose and apathetic. You don't want to do anything.

We call the first mood mania and the last mood depression. Most people have those moods, and, many, many others. You only have the two moods; you are either manic or depressive. One or the other. All the time. Wildly swinging back and forth at the drop of a hat.

You are manic-depressive. When we refer to you as bi-polar, that's what we mean.

We don't mean you are like a polar bear, like that one polar bear in that Coke commercial.

It is not a term of endearment. It is a diagnosis.

Please stop giggling.

They're going to take your kids away.

Q: Is Anna a saint?

A: Is that what she's been telling you?

Is that why you have been leaving those sandwiches outside her house every day?

Is that why you have been giving her your allowance every week?

Is that why you have been carrying those signs that say "St. Anna needs your help" outside her store?

Anna is not a saint. She is a drug dealer. Specifically, a pharmacist, licensed by the state of California to dispense medicinal marijuana.

She's not a saint.

She has been lying to you.

Anna's manipulating you because she can't handle the competition. I have better product, in more varieties, at better prices. She'll be out of business soon and she knows it.

She's desperate, and will do anything to survive.

I never saw this one coming. I give her credit. I never thought she'd turn my own brother against me. I thought you were hooking up with her. I didn't know you were convinced she was a saint.

Those signs should have been a hint. And all that self flagellation. And that mural you made.

I just thought she was good in bed.

Saints usually don't ask you to kill people, just so you know. That goes against the whole concept of saintliness.

It's obviously too late now, but, in the future, when a "saint" asks you to stab someone, someone like your own brother, you should stop and ask yourself "Is this something a saint would do? Am I being misled? Can I trust this person?"

Make sure you ask yourself those questions before you commence stabbing, and not after, not once you've called the saint on the phone and she laughs at you.