Q: What is the most paws a cat has been born with?

A: In all my years of study, and in all my travels across the globe, I have never heard of nor laid eyes on a cat with more than six paws.

Until today.

I never imagined I would ever see a cat born with eight paws.

I never imagined a madman would kidnap me after seeing me on a Dallas morning show, where I talked about my successful advances in the field of cat obedience.

I never imagined I'd be taken to an island, locked in a dungeon and forced to spend decades training cats to mate with an octopus.

I never imagined the cats would mate with the octopus. I always assumed they would drown.

I never imagined that the mating would prove successful. Because it defies all laws of nature.

But there it is, the world's first ever cactopus.

Can I go home and see my family now? They probably assumed I am dead and moved on with their lives, but I'd at least like to say hi.