Q: How does the story lord of the flies end?

A: With that rag-tag gang of misfits setting aside their differences, coming together as a team, and putting on the bake sale of the century to raise money for tickets home.

At least, I assume that's how it ends.

I never actually read the whole thing.

I wanted to read it, I really did. But once they killed that pig and put the pig's head on a stake, my mind began to wander. I got to thinking.

I got to thinking about bacon. How I love the taste. How I love the smell. How there isn't a problem in the world that can't be fixed with a generous helping of bacon.

At this point, I closed the book and opened  a package of bacon. Wonderful, salty bacon.

Then I made myself a plate of bacon. Crispy, delicious bacon.

Then another.

Then another.

Then one more, for good measure.

That's about the time I blacked out.

My doctor tells me I'm going to be in some fancy medical journals, the first ever case of "Pork Blindness" on record.

Once I get my sight back, I intend to finish that book. Then I'll know how it really ends.

Right after I have a nice bacon sandwich.

They're pretty strict about my diet here.