Q: How do you put a colony on Mars?

A: First, we send over architects and contractors, to build homes and offices and amusement parks.

The amusement parks are key. They give the kids something to do. And they are very lucrative.

Once that's all set up, which should take a couple years, we start holding raffles on Earth. Five thousand dollars a ticket and twelve lucky winners, and their families get to colonize Mars.

They'll fly out there, settle in and start a new life. Soon, more raffles will be held and more people will follow.

After a few years, we'll stop the raffles and just open up the border. By that point, there should be enough of an infrastructure to support the millions of new immigrants.

We should have enough apartments and farms and cops and brothels and casinos to squeeze these people out of every nickel and dime they have. Then, once they are broke, they'll basically be our slaves. What are they gonna do? Build their own rocket and fly back to Earth? I don't think so.

Yup, colonizing Mars will be a goldmine. I thought of everything.

Well, almost everything.

It has come to my attention that the atmosphere of Mars is rather ... Inhospitable.

People can't breathe the air. There's no air to breathe, really.

Our first team of contractors and architects quickly choked and died. I guess some even exploded. Something to do with the lack of air pressure.

I don't really understand all the details. I am an entrepreneur, not a scientist.

That's why I need this loan. I need to buy some space suits for the next team of architects and contractors. And I'm going to need them by noon tomorrow. So, if you could just approve the loan right now, that would be great.

I'll wait.