Q: How do i get credit history?

A: You can start by opening a credit card at a store like Target or Old Navy or Sears. Pay off your balance each month and soon you'll have established credit.

Or, you can steal someone's identity. That's probably easier. Like this guy right here. He threw out all these bills and notices without even shredding them. His social security is on one of these. And his date of birth. According to these forms, this guy even has excellent credit. You should take his. Forget my other plan, that crap I said about going to Sears. Just take this guy's identity and use his credit.

He's really the one to blame. He didn't even shred any of his mail before he wrapped it in a plastic bag, then wrapped it in a paper bag, then stuck in a bag of cat litter, then tossed it in a sealed trash bag. He was basically begging someone to find it.