Q: Do sea lions like seals?

A: No. No matter how hard I try.

I've tried everything.

A little mood music. Some alcohol. Explicit diagrams.

Still nothing.

I've even dressed up like a seal, and tried to seduce Kyle.

Kyle is my sea lion.

He didn't like it. He bit me. Hard.

Now I'm out three bottles of champagne, I'm sick to death of Barry White, and I may have rabies.

And I still don't have a baby seal lion.

All that time I spent rescuing Kyle from Africa and shaving his mane and teaching him how to swim. All for nothing.

At this point, I really regret quitting my job at Best Buy.