Q: How do you find your family crest without having to pay for it?

A: I struggled with this problem for many years, until I stumbled upon this easy and free solution:

Find a family in your area that has a crest and proudly displays it. It helps if they have a similar name.

Steal their crest.

In the middle of the night, drug the family and set their house on fire. It helps if they don't have children, or a dog, just for the sake of your long term sanity.

Steal their identity,

The next day, pretend like you came home from a vacation and say "Oh, no. My house burned down." If the neighbors become wise to your deceit, set their houses on fire as well. They'll settle down quickly.

File an insurance claim, sit back and live like a king.

A king with a proper crest.