Q: What is the death rate of children in Victorian England?

A: Hmmm ... That's an interesting question, especially from someone in your position. I don't have the figures at the moment, but I'd imagine they are at par or slightly lower than the rest of Europe. I had no idea you were so inquisitive.

Hold on a moment. I believe my wife is calling. What's that, dear?


I'm terribly sorry. My wife has taken ill. We won't be able to attend the opening of Mr. Wilde's latest play. As such, we won't need a babysitter this evening. I hope you understand.

You can have the tickets. And your expected pay. And these jewels.

Please put down my daughter.

Q: How do you rid your body of methadone before a test for it?

A: Convince yourself the drug is not in your system. What the mind believes, so will the body. Learn to master this skill and take the test with peace of mind.

It will also come in handy when you need to convince yourself you didn't lose your job.

Q: What purpose does a generator serve in a power plant?

A: Generators are powerful and dangerous, yet, oddly, easily harmed. A wrench in the wrong place, a bucket of water tossed carelessly, the wrong switch flipped, and the generator could just stop working, sending the whole town into blackness and panic and chaos and looting and decades old grudges solved by murder.

Trust me, I spend a lot of time thinking about such a scenario. Not just thinking, but drawing and writing and creating dioramas. I have lots of down time at my job guarding the reactor at the power plant. I put a lot of work into those dioramas. And it pays off. They get quite a reaction. No one expects to see a vivid depiction of their house burnt to the ground. No one expects their house to be the one burnt in the madness. But damage to the generator would affect everyone, even vice presidents of the company who live 14 miles away.

To answer your question, a generator is the ultimate negotiating tool at contract time. But don't forget the dioramas. Nothing inspires a raise like terror at 1/8 scale.

Q: What is the back and forth motion that repeatedly follows the same path?

A: If you're not enjoying this, we can stop and try again tomorrow.

Or adopt.

Q: Can a father keep a child in Arizona if the parents have not filed for legal separation?

A: I appreciate your concern, Daddy, all the hours you devoted to learning the law, struggling to read and write even the most basic sentence because you dropped out of school at 7 to support your family by pretending to get injured in city buses and the steps of government buildings. That couldn't have been easy. I understand that you wanted me to have the kind of life you never could, a life of opportunity and freedom and maybe even college. That means so much to me. It truly does.

But I'm 35 years old now. I can take care of myself.

Daddy, please stop talking to the judge and talk to me.