Q: Do bears attack humans?

A: Absolutely.

Why do you think all these people bought tickets?

And made those signs?

And are cheering wildly?

I assure you, they didn't come here to see a bear reason with a man.

You need to stop being so naive.

Now, slather some of this honey on your chest, get out there, and give these people their money's worth.

Q: What to do if you like a girl but also like her sister?

A: At some point, whether you like it or not, you're going to have to make a choice.

I suggest you choose ether.

They won't remember a thing.

And you'll have a memory that will last a lifetime.

Q: What do you do when you have a headache and also vomiting?

A: Take your head out of the vice.

Now do the same with your testicles.

In the future, put a little more thought as to what you should place in a vice.

Q: Can a broken nose with deviated septum cause sinus problems?

A: I can't really say. I have a deviated septum, but I've never had a broken no-

OW!

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

You broke my nose! Oh my God!

Why is there so much blood?

Oh dear God.

I should have seen that coming, but still ...

This hurts way worse than I expected. Why would anyone box?

Sweet Jesus, make the pain go away!

To answer your question: Yes. Yes, this will cause sinus problems.

I don't think I have a sinus anymore.

Please, put down the wrench.

Q: What do you call a person who works in a photo lab and develops photos?

A: Right now I call her Debbie. Someday I hope to call her my wife.

That someday might be today!

I'm popping the question, in picture form.

I dropped off a whole stack of photos to be developed. The last one shows me, on my knees, holding a ring, beneath a sign that says, "Debbie, will you marry me?"

The previous photos contain a wealth of biographical information to help Debbie make her decision. Since we have never actually spoken, she might need to know more about me before she's comfortable. I took photos of my tax documents, my apartment, my collection of stuffed koala bears, everything I could think of.

I even included several photos of my, um, merchandise. I understand ladies like to get a sense of what to expect on their wedding night. I held a Coke can next to it for scale.

I had to use a six ounce can. It looked better that way. A normal can dwarfed my member.

I hope she's not disappointed on our wedding night.

I'm going to bring some stuffed koalas, just to be safe.