Q: How do you rid your body of methadone before a test for it?

A: Convince yourself the drug is not in your system. What the mind believes, so will the body. Learn to master this skill and take the test with peace of mind.

It will also come in handy when you need to convince yourself you didn't lose your job.

Q: What purpose does a generator serve in a power plant?

A: Generators are powerful and dangerous, yet, oddly, easily harmed. A wrench in the wrong place, a bucket of water tossed carelessly, the wrong switch flipped, and the generator could just stop working, sending the whole town into blackness and panic and chaos and looting and decades old grudges solved by murder.

Trust me, I spend a lot of time thinking about such a scenario. Not just thinking, but drawing and writing and creating dioramas. I have lots of down time at my job guarding the reactor at the power plant. I put a lot of work into those dioramas. And it pays off. They get quite a reaction. No one expects to see a vivid depiction of their house burnt to the ground. No one expects their house to be the one burnt in the madness. But damage to the generator would affect everyone, even vice presidents of the company who live 14 miles away.

To answer your question, a generator is the ultimate negotiating tool at contract time. But don't forget the dioramas. Nothing inspires a raise like terror at 1/8 scale.

Q: What is the back and forth motion that repeatedly follows the same path?

A: If you're not enjoying this, we can stop and try again tomorrow.

Or adopt.

Q: Can a father keep a child in Arizona if the parents have not filed for legal separation?

A: I appreciate your concern, Daddy, all the hours you devoted to learning the law, struggling to read and write even the most basic sentence because you dropped out of school at 7 to support your family by pretending to get injured in city buses and the steps of government buildings. That couldn't have been easy. I understand that you wanted me to have the kind of life you never could, a life of opportunity and freedom and maybe even college. That means so much to me. It truly does.

But I'm 35 years old now. I can take care of myself.

Daddy, please stop talking to the judge and talk to me.

Q: Is it a crime to collect rainwater?

A: Getting the water the way you did is within your legal rights. Doesn't matter that you used a rusty bucket. Doesn't matter that you plan to use it to fill up water balloons. Doesn't even matter that what you collected isn't even technically rain water. It's flood water. The law doesn't differentiate.

What the law does have a problem with is your illegal streaming of the latest Hollywood movies and UFC events. That's why the cops are here and that's why you're going to prison. Has nothing to do with the rain water.

I admit, the timing is suspiciously coincidental. If I were a betting man, I would wager that someone tipped them off to your criminal activities while you were off collecting the water. Probably someone with his own bookmaking related legal troubles looking to make a deal and also settle a personal grudge.

As you know, I am a betting man. And a cinephile. Maybe you'll remember that the next time you invite half the neighborhood over to watch Magic Mike.