Q: What happens when your home gets auctioned?

A: Follow these simple steps:

1.) Build a time machine.

2.) Travel back in time.

3.) Choreograph a show-stopping dance number using all your eccentric neighbors and relatives.

4.) Win the Tri-State Talent Show.

5.) Use the prize money to pay off the back taxes and save your home from those selfish yuppies. .

But, before you do all that, you have to do one little thing:

Leave. Immediately.

The yuppies are moving in today and they don't want their children infected by your sadness.

Q: What organs belong to more than one system?

A: Depends. For some, it's the spleen, or the stomach, occasionally the brain.

In your case, it's the liver.

You share a liver, you and your brother. That's what makes you conjoined twins. That's why everyone throws rocks at you, and why they chase you with fire, and why they hide their children when you pass.

Can you really blame them? Have you ever looked at yourself?

You have? Oh. I see. That explains the despair etched on your face. I see that now.

It must be rough being a conjoined twin. I can understand why you'd want to put an end to it.

But, I believe your plan has some flaws. A flaw. One glaring, insurmountable flaw. That liver. That damn liver.

If I kill your brother, you would die, too. That's how it works.

Trust me, I looked it up.

As a professional hitman, I hate to say this, but I feel I have no choice: I cannot kill the person you hired me to kill. Not if you want to live. And you've made it clear that you do.

I'm going to return your money, minus the non-refundable deposit.

It's been a pleasure working with you. Maybe we'll get a chance to work together some time.

That time is right now.

I've accepted a very lucrative offer from your conjoined twin. He feels rather betrayed by your plans to kill him and wants vengeance, no matter the cost, no matter what happens to him.

Here's a bit of advice: The next time you want to hire a professional to murder your conjoined twin, consider whispering. He's right there.

Q: Why are classification systems not based on physical appearance?

A: Due to massive protests and years of costly litigations.

It seems that parents are much more comfortable with the current education model, where the lives of their children are determined based on a series of arbitrary "grades" determined by random tests administered by complete strangers, than a more realistic model, where the students deemed most sexually desirable by their peers get the most opportunities to advance.

Thank God we still have the entertainment industry.

Q: Where did Roosevelt introduce the Good Neighbor Policy?

A: In his hometown of New York, New York, one day after he spent six hours dodging traffic on 5th Avenue while over two thousand onlookers laughed and pointed, instead of helping him steer his wheelchair to safety.

Q: What does the phrase sevenfold mean?

A: It refers to a location on the map.

Specifically a fold.

Specifically the seventh fold.

That's where we are supposed to rendezvous with Green Team, at the seventh fold.

The name was assigned when the maps were handed out, when the maps only had ten folds. The term made more sense then.

The term would still make sense if you hadn't used our map, our only map of the target zone, as a napkin.

I hope you see why ribs are not normally included in the rations.

They tend to get a little messy.

And they attract bears.

But I don't have to tell you that. You saw what happened to Kreitzer.