Q: How is Tim McGraw revolutionary?

A: He overthrew the government, burned down all the banks and executed anyone with a post-graduate degree. It doesn't get more revolutionary than that.

Don't call me crazy. It's all right here in this newspaper. This newspaper dated July 14th, 2021.

Oh. Yes, well, this is one of my newspapers from the future. That old German man who lived on the corner gave them to me. I mean, he didn't really give them to me, I kind of took them after he was arrested and tried and hanged for being a wizard. But he would have wanted me to have them. As long as you pretend he didn't know that I was the one who betrayed him to the authorities.

Anyway, enough about what happened last week. Let's focus on tonight. You better get dressed. The Tim McGraw concert is in an hour. I strongly suggest you go.

Q: When did you discover the dolphin?

A: Only after systematically eliminating every other possible source of the clicking sound. Ceiling fans, ice maker in fridge, leaky faucets, electronics, loose windows or doors ajar, my teeth, pets, family, neighbors, strangers, police responding to 911 calls, helicopters,  press covering the melee, the aglets on my shoelaces.

Only after all that was gone, and I was alone, did I realize that the source of the clicking sound was the dolphin. She was probably starving. It had been days since I fed her.

In retrospect I should have looked in her tank first. But it was hard to think straight with all that clicking.