Q: When would you need a forensic scientists?

A: When the work becomes too technical for us regular detectives. When we need to find some DNA on a piece of chew bubblegum we find on the nightstand of a dead gigalo. When we need to determine what blood belongs to which corpse after a chainsaw party. When we need to identify a kidnapper based on nothing more than a boot print and a Pez dispenser.

Sometimes we need a forensic scientist to solve one of the more important case, like WHO KEEPS EATING MY SANDWICHES?

Seriously, guys, it's not funny anymore. That's the ninth one this month. I swear to God, once Dr. Goodwin tells me who did this, I will shoot the culprit in the face. I'm not kidding. They can suspend me, fire me, send me to jail for life. Hell, put me in the chair. I don't care, I have nothing left. 

That sandwich was all I had. I've never loved a human being as much as I loved that sandwich. If it were legal for a man to marry a sandwich, I would have done it. Judge me all you want. I just want to be happy.

Hold on, Doc Goodwin's calling. I can't wait to see what he says.

Hey, Doc.

What's that.

I see.

Well, thanks for the work. Uh, if you don't mind keeping this under your hat, I'd really appreciate it.

It seems I owe some of you folks an apology. According to the DNA results, I am the one who ate that sandwich.

I guess this solves the riddle of who's been drinking all my scotch.