Q: When are the next bunch of shoulder buddies coming out?

A: I knew we'd have this conversation someday. I guess I've put it off long enough. Maybe I should have told you this before your first day of school.

Oh, well.

Son, there will never be any more "shoulder buddies." There's no such thing. What I lovingly refer to as your "shoulder buddy" is actually the head of your parasitic twin. Your deceased parasitic twin.

I understand how exciting it is to meet new kids, or to meet kids at all, or or be out in public and not locked up in the attic. In retrospect we probably should have seen this coming. I'm not mad at you. I understand why you wanted to show off your "shoulder buddy."

I hope you understand the reactions of the other kids. Their screams of horror were only natural. As was the name calling. Even the rock throwing makes sense. I think they went too far with the torches, but, they're kids. They don't know any better. They kind of see you as a freak.

You know I don't see you as a freak. You know that I love you, and your little "shoulder buddy."

Now give me a hug.

Other side.