Q: Does Obama walk his dog outside of the Whitehouse grounds?

A: I can't answer that question, sir.

Nor can I answer your question about whether or not the President wears suit made out of kevlar.

I'm not familiar with the existence of any decoy Presidents.

And I don't feel comfortable talking about how soundly the President sleeps, or what kind of noises would be less likely to wake him.

I wouldn't even know what kinds of food the President would most likely eat without smelling. Even if I did know, I would rather not discuss the matter.

Sir, this information kiosk generally provides information about the mall itself. We don't pretend to know everything. If you would like directions to Sears, I would be glad to help. Questions about the President's schedule, his movements, and his security detail are beyond my area of expertise.

If you want answers to those questions, I suggest you call the Secret Service directly. I'm sure they would love to talk to you.