Q: Are rhinos the same family as horses and are there inspired the myth of the unicorn?

A: Is that what you thought?

Oh dear.

I wondered what were doing in that shed every night, until the wee hours of the morning. I heard the screams, and saw all the blood - it was hard to miss - and after a while I could smell the corpses - oh to be born without a sense of smell - but I assumed you were doing something I could be proud of, like making a snuff film, or becoming a serial killer.

I never thought you would be doing something that would bring so much shame on your whole family.

Trying to make your own unicorn.

Who does that?

Where did you even get did the rhinos?

Please tell me that, before you set off trying to assemble a unicorn from the body parts of a rhino and the body parts of a horse, that you at least tried to get them to mate first. Please tell me that.

Thank God.

Please tell me that you videotaped the mating attempts.

No video, but you made notes.

Notes.

What am I supposed to do with notes?

You disgust me.

At times like this, I wish I never switched those babies in the hospital.