Q: What are some good hacking programs?

A: There are a bunch of people who will tell you that Eight-Minute Machete will teach you all you need to know about hacking your way through the jungle with a machete. Sure, it does that. But does it teach you how to hack off limbs?

No, it does not.

That's why I tell anyone who buys a machete to buy this tape, Miami Machete Machine. In this ten minute video, you'll learn all you need to know about hacking your way through the densest jungles AND hacking your way through the henchmen, underlings and loved ones of all your rivals in the drug trade. These are authentic Cuban techniques, not some bullshit Brazilian stuff that looks all fancy but won't help you when you need to really spread terror.

Yeah, that is me on the cover.

Naw, I don't hack anymore. That Danny Trejo movie made it too mainstream and took the fun out of it. It used to be about severing limbs. Now it's just all show business.