Q: How is a cricket's digestive system different from humans?

A: First of all, it's much smaller. Significantly smaller.

Really tiny.

Other than that, it's pretty much the same. There's a stomach, and an intestine, and a colon. There's also this thing called a gizzard. I don't think you have one of those. At least I didn't see one during the operation. But, to be honest, there was a lot going on, and people were shouting, and I was still kind of drunk.

I wasn't planning on working today. I thought I had the day off. Turns out, I misread the schedule.

At least, that's what I tell people. Between you and me, I'm trying to get fired. I hate it here. I never wanted to be a surgeon. That was my father's dream. I've always wanted to sing.

I've tried everything to get fired. I've shown up late, shown up drunk, sexually harassed every nurse and orderly I see ... and nothing. Absolutely nothing. They kept sending me into the OR.

But I think I've solved that problem.

They're going to have to fire me for this one. How can they possibly employ a surgeon who replaced a patient's entire digestive system with the digestive system of a cricket? It just won't make any sense.

Oh, by the way, try not to eat anything bigger than a pea, or it will get really ugly, real quick.